Tango Kilo Mike
Charitable Trust
Mud, Bugs & Bivvies: Lessons in Leadership from the Forest Floor
Last week, I joined a school camp for a group of 9–10-year-olds, many experiencing their first time away from home. The weather was moody, the terrain was muddy, and the bugs were... enthusiastic. But what unfolded over those few days was nothing short of extraordinary.
I was there to teach bivouac building—how to construct a shelter from what nature offers. But the real shelter we built was psychological. These kids came with more than backpacks: diabetes, severe allergies, neurodiverse needs, and the quiet vulnerability of being far from home. We didn’t just manage those complexities, we honoured them.
What I found, again and again, was that authentic leadership lands hardest when it’s grounded in presence. Not performance. Not authority. Just being there, at their level. That meant:
Sitting in the mud with them, not just instructing from the sidelines
Naming the bugs and the fear, not dismissing it
Holding firm boundaries with compassion, not control
Listening to the quiet ones, not just the confident voices
As the bivouac exercise unfolded, something beautiful happened. The kids instinctively formed groups. That meant choosing a leader—someone who could guide the team, communicate a plan, and rally others to build together. Leadership wasn’t assigned. It was earned. And it was messy, democratic, and deeply revealing.
At the end of the challenge, each group scored the shelters, not just for structure, but for creativity and teamwork. Then came the votes: best leader, best individual contributor, most improved. The kids didn’t just build shelters—they built trust. They saw each other. They celebrated each other.
By the final night, I was one of the few “parent teachers” with kids fighting over which table I’d sit at. Not because I was the most fun or the most lenient, but because I saw them. I met them where they were. And in doing so, I gave them permission to rise.
Coaching Reflection
It would’ve been easy - tempting, even - to do the work for them. To tie the knots, direct the build, solve the problems. But that would’ve been the worst kind of learning: passive, performative, forgettable.
Instead, I offered nudges. A few key steps. A knot here. A question there. Just enough scaffolding for them to find their own way. And they did. They delivered solutions that were theirs - owned, earned, and celebrated.
This is what it means to be present at their level. To resist the urge to rescue and instead create space for discovery. That’s where trust is built. That’s where psychological safety lives. And that’s where real learning begins.
Whether you're leading a team, parenting, teaching, or coaching, ask yourself: Are you meeting them where they are, or where you wish they were?
The difference is everything.
If you’re curious about how to lead with presence, build trust through boundaries, or scaffold growth without stealing the journey, let’s talk. Real Coaching isn’t about fixing—it’s about empowering.
Drop me a message, share your own bivvy moment, or reach out if you’re ready to build something brave, from the forest floor up.
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The Tango Kilo Mike blog is a space for reflection, storytelling, and shared wisdom. We spotlight the voices of current and former members of the emergency and military services, along with their families, offering insights into leadership, resilience, mental health, and personal growth.
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Tango Kilo Mike Charitable Trust is a registered NZ Registered Charity: CC59166